Bad joo-joo.

So it looks like this is not the year for my inaugural ironman.... last weekend while on a training ride I had a little bike accident. I took a fall and hit my head. I had a pretty bad concussion. I don't remember a thing from the accident. I really don't remember anything from the day at all. I woke up in the Emergency Room at Baylor Hospital. Apparently I was unconscious for a short period of time, but the time I was conscious, I can't remember.

I was having problems that day with my bike seat. My seat post kept sliding down into the frame. It was weird because in my previous training rides, I kept adjusting my seat because I felt like it was too low. I would ride and by the time I finished, I would think to myself "maybe I didn't raise it enough". So before I rode it again, I would raise it up higher... and it would drop down again. It wasn't until last weekend that I actually realized it was a problem with my bike.

There was a pretty big group of us riding together - the Ironman group was planning on riding 80 miles then running afterwards. I was a little upset with my seat situtaion so Brian and I pulled off the group and went to find a hardware store. We needed to find a bolt to keep my seat post from dropping down. We repaired my bike and I went to find the group while Brian started to ride home to let the babysitter go. He turned around to check on me and that's when it happened. He said he thought I was adjusting my shoe or something, and I just crashed. I don't know how fast I was going, I don't know if I hit something that made me lose my balance... who knows. He raced over to take care of me... he said I was bleeding pretty bad so he called 9-1-1 for an ambulance.

My friends that I was riding towards came up to the scene of the accident. From what I was told, it didn't look good. The paramedics loaded me up and off we went. I was in the hospital all day. I didn't have much memory of anything so we weren't able to go home until that started coming back. Poor Brian, he said I asked him the same questions every 20 minutes. Talk about freaky, right? I got 14 stitches in my head and got banged up on the left side of my body. I got a little road rash, but nothing compared to the head injury.

I was feeling dizzy all last week - each day did improve a bit... Monday I was feeling loopy and dizzy and couldn't concentrate much... by Thursday and Friday I was feeling better - but still not 100%. I went to see a neurologist on Thursday morning and he recommended that I stay off my bike and out of the pool for about six weeks. I was a little heart broken because the Ironman is in seven weeks and the most intense training is upon us.... The doctor said that where I suffered the hit was a sensitive place on my head... he explained that I didn't get a concussion like Troy Aikman gets a concussion, but more serious. He said that there is a possibility of having a seizure when I become fatigued. I decided then and there that I would look for a second opinion. I really wanted to do the race.

It was this last weekend that really made me change my mind. After thinking about the race and my training and the handful of mishaps I've had along the road, I decided it would be best to put off the Ironman dream until next year. It just seems like I've had some strange things come up that are telling me "don't do this, Adrian". The thing too is that I'm a mother now. It's not just about me anymore. I've got a son that needs me way more than I need to do an Iroman. Plus, if I found a doctor to give me the second opinion that I want to hear, I still have the one opinion telling me not to do it. SO, what's the point, right?

I filled out the official "withdrawal form" from Ironman North America. I felt my heart drop in my stomach when the confirmation code came up on my computer screen. It feels so disappointing to have to pull out. I need to take this feeling and remember it. I need to use it as fuel for my training in the future. It feels like I just DNF'd a huge race. I need to use this to motivate me. I don't want this feeling again!

Since I made the decision, I feel like the pressure is off. I feel like I can enjoy my training again and not worry about how I'm going to get through the tough weekends ahead. I am going to pick some races and set some new goals for the year just so I stay motivated to train and stay in shape. I really want to find the passion in my training and racing again... if I feel confident in my fitness and can compete in a few of the shorter local races this will set me up for a better training experience next year. I feel like I would have done the Ironman this year and I would have been proud to cross the finish line but I also felt that I was a little ambitious coming straight from having a baby to completing an Ironman just over a year later. At least the next time around I'll have more time to build my base and get my strengths back in the areas that really need help!

So - I guess for this year I will not be an Ironman.